Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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