i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
