if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
