I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
