you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
