She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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