I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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