if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
