Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
