i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
