i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
