My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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