my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
