Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
