Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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