im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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