oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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