It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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