Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
a search helicopter?!
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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