I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
