Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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