Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
