You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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