i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
