you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
