i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
