That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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