I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
