I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
