yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
