ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
