mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I haven't been this sober since birth.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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