ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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