it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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