Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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