Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
