it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
