We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
