4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
