fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i dont even know how to be here
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
