Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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