I bet he comes in French.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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