i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
she told me i tasted like america
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
