i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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