Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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