I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
