I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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