I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
