I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
