The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
