i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
