i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
