sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If i come over, it means nothing
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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