yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
