she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
