She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
