Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
