This girl is more easily done than said...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
