you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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