I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
