Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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